Hilarious Job Search and Career Tips from The Onion

Hilarious Job Search and Career Tips from The Onion Hilarious Job Search and Career Tips from The Onion On the blog, you’ll find quite a lot of job search and career tips, all of it quite real. But in this article, we’d like to take a little break from dispensing tried-and-true job search and career development tips to focus on some of the goofiest advice we’ve read, from a little website called The Onion. Most people aren’t grinning ear-to-ear during their job search, so we hope the next few minutes gives you a chance to stretch those smile muscles! Job Interview Tips from The Onion Back in 1997, The Onion wrote a thorough list of job interview tips, including such gems as: “Wink knowingly throughout the interview.” “No matter how important the interviewer makes him/herself out to be, refuse to talk to that person, saying you want the ‘head honcho’ only.” When answering interview questions, allude frequently to ‘secret identity,’ ‘important work done outside the office,’ and ‘boy sidekick.’ Resume and Cover Letter Advice The Onion gives resume and cover letter advice in several different articles. Our favorites include: “The only way to make a résumé better? Make it bigger! Have it printed on oversized oak tag board.” “Send one resume out and wait at least one year to hear back.” “As you begin your job search, make sure there are no typos on the first 11 or 12 pages of your cover letter.” Finding Your Dream Career Profiles of people finding their dream careers have appeared occasionally on The Onion. My personal favorite is called, “Man with No Real-Life Career Goals Knows Exact Job He’d Want in Harry Potter Universe.” It turns out, the fake Nathan Whalen featured in the article has a really good answer as to why hed choose this particular Potter-themed job: “I definitely think I would be a wandmaker, because I like working with my hands and I consider myself a pretty good judge of character,” says Whalen. The Importance of Work-Life Balance If you’re reading the blog, it’s a good bet that you have at least some interest in better work-life balance. And so does The Onion. In its  article, “Career-Driven Man Beginning to Worry Entire Identity No Longer Tied to Job,” the idea of the overly career-focused professional is spoofed. Is this how you realized you work too much? “‘I always saw myself as a high-performance individual who was focused solely on working my way up to VP, but lately I’ve been worried that I may be developing aspects of my personality that have nothing to do with climbing the corporate ladder,’ said Bowers, 42, noting that he has recently observed in himself an unhealthy level of preoccupation with personal interests, activities, and relationships that can in no way give him a leg up professionally. ‘Just the other day, I was telling my boss about my son’s soccer game- at work, mind you- and he responded by calling me ‘a real family man.’ My boss called me that. It was a huge wake-up call.’ At press time, Bowers confirmed his intention to get back to his roots by leaving work no earlier than 9 p.m. tonight and missing his daughter’s piano recital.” Advice for Those of Us Who WorryAbout Everything On the flip-side of work-life balance, The Onion reported on a man attempting to strike the “proper work-anxietyâ€"life-anxiety balance.” If you’ve ever worried that you’re spending too much time worrying about work, and not enough time worrying about personal issues, then welcome to the worrier’s club. Here’s advice from spoof professional Dale Humphrey on how we can all make time in our days to worry about everything: “When you fret over work as much as I do, it’s important to carve out a little time to freak out about your personal life whenever you can.” Readers, which of these career tips from The Onion is your favorite? Any other great Onion articles to share?